Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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