The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
