Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
