R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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