my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize