She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
