I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ok first of all what the fuck
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
