Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
