he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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