Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
