and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
