Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
