Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
