I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
