i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
