There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
