I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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