dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
