you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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