I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
