This show inspires me to have sex in space
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
