I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
