Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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