Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
