you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we should paint friendship bongs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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