oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
