He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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