Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
