Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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