my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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