I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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