she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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