This girl is more easily done than said...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize