I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
