You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
