I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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