You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
