Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
