Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
