lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
