She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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