he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
