is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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