He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize