Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i came on her dog
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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