letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
