omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
