So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
