This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
