and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
