Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
