how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
