We're like a lot better than the average bears
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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