It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
MIDGETS
????
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
