took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
