I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
