Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
40s are totally the cure
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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