david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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