I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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