I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
