are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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