About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
