she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
