I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Congratulations! We have a period
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