i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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