Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
