I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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