I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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