Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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