Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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