I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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