Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
