i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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