3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
