oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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