I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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