god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish there were birth control emojis
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
