Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
