I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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