Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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