Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
