Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
