he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize