i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
