a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got inside last night via doggy door
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
