Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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