is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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