I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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